Birthing, Babies and Beyond: Month 4

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I’m thankful for my supportive friends and family, I’m thankful that Glen and I both have jobs, I’m thankful that I get to spend more time with my Mom, I’m grateful for my “extended family” the Lau’s, I’m thankful for our home, I’m thankful for our health and I’m thankful for my husband and son who make my life complete.

Last Thanksgiving I remember being a little down. Glen and I have been wanting to start a family and it just seemed like it was never going to happen for us. Then, on November 29^th, 2010, my life changed. To remind everyone of that moment, I included an excerpt from that particular blog post.

“...I immediately looked down at the test…two lines. My hands started to shake and all I could think about Is that this could not possibly be right. My husband was watching television and oblivious at this point that we were going to have a baby. …I looked up at him and said we’re going to have a baby then I burst into tears and hugged him tightly. …This month was now special. It was the month that I found out that I was going to be a Mother.”

It has been one year since that life changing moment and I remember thinking I was going to have a four month old baby around this time. I was thrilled to find out about the pregnancy but little did I know what being a Mother really meant. It means so much more to me than I could have ever imagined.

Throughout my pregnancy I imagined what it was going to be like with a baby. I played out different scenarios in my head and made decisions based on my views of how parenthood should be. I look back and realize how judgmental I was and feel now that I’m a bit of a hypocrite.

For instance, I remember judging people for not breastfeeding. Now every day I struggle to continue to do so for my son. It’s very challenging working a full time job and finding time to extract milk 2-3 times during the day (In addition to my awesome multi-tasking skills of pumping while drying my hair in the morning and pumping while driving). It’s even more difficult coming home after a long, exhausting day at work and instantly having to feed the baby. It’s hard having any kind of social life or sharing responsibilities in the late hours due to being your child’s only source of food. So now I stand here, asking for forgiveness to those that I previously judged. I’ve been so rundown from the late hours of the 4 month wakeful and from my husband being away for work that I keep catching viruses and it’s hurting my supply. I’ll be lucky to make it to 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding but I’m determined to try to make it work.

Big plastic junky toys were deemed unnecessary and ugly in my pre-parenthood eyes and now I’m praising those lovely, giant, plastic, happy baby making pieces of junk. Wyatt gets such enjoyment out of playing on his toy mat or in his new exersaucer (thanks Craigslist!) and my new theory is that whatever makes the baby happy, will make my life easier. Not only that but I truly get enjoyment out of watching Wyatt laugh, giggle and play. I want to fill our house with toys for him and just watch him play. My nice, perfectly clean, everything-in-its-place house mentality is out the window and now I find myself eager to buy more and more toys for my son to explore.

I really thought that I would have more “me” time and would spend just as much social time with friends that I did pre-baby. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with people that I love, it’s just really difficult. Wyatt responds well to being on a schedule so I do anything possible to keep him on a schedule, even if it means that I spend my Saturday nights in. By the time I get home, make dinner, do (at least) 1 load of laundry, spend time with Wyatt, prepare my bags for the next day and get him a bathed, it’s ready for him to eat and go to bed. That very small window of time that I actually get to spend with my family in the evenings is really precious. Even though I love and miss my friends, my time is more valuable to me spent at home. For the first time in my life, my life revolves around another being and my immediate family. They come first in every scenario.

And lastly, I never thought that I could ever let my baby “Cry it Out”. To those readers who may not know what they means exactly, it’s a sleep method. It’s recommended to wait until at least 4 months of age to start sleep training using this method but in Wyatt’s case, he was ready to start sleep training about a week into his third month. I’ll specifically talk about Wyatt instead of generalizing since we all know that every baby is different. Wyatt fights sleep and gets very fussy when he’s overly tired. No matter what you do (shushing, rocking, etc), Wyatt is inconsolable when he’s overly tired. Instead of rocking him and cradling him to sleep we started to train him to self sooth himself to sleep by letting him cry and fuss a little. At first, I would only let him fuss for maybe 30 seconds at a time. Then I would come back into the room, pat his back, touch his face, help him find his pacifier and shush him. I would then calm him down enough to sneak back out. I lured around the outside of his room and continued to go back in when he fussed, gradually extending the increments of time that I’m away. Eventually, he would fall asleep using this method. My Mom and I have now been testing his limits and working with him over the past month and you know what? It’s starting to pay off. It’s not easy to hear your baby cry for you especially when they say things that resemble the word “Mama”. You feel like you are abandoning them and letting them down. At first it took every bit of strength not to run back in there after every single fussy noise. I would have never made this decision to start sleep training using this method if I didn’t feel as if Wyatt was truly ready for it. I vowed that I would never let my baby cry it out and that it was completely cruel for a parent to even consider doing that but now that I’m a parent, I’ve changed my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t let him cry for ten minutes, or get so worked up that he’s screaming. I just let him fuss a little and I’m close by, always listening to the type of cry he lets out. Often times you can gradually hear his fussy cry getting weaker and often times he will put himself right to sleep. Now at the end of the month I’ve learned to really read his tired signals and can easily (most times) put him right into his crib, have him fuss for maybe 30 seconds and then watch him close his eyes and go right to sleep. You know what’s even more sweet? He now takes a good morning and afternoon nap with little to no rocking, patting and shushing.

My first month back to work was pretty successful and now I’m finally starting to feel like I’m a real mother to a child. I’ve been so busy at work that I hardly notice that I’m away all day. Evenings are a little sweeter because the time spent with Wyatt is more precious than if I were home with him all day.

Jen and my Mom are doing a fantastic job taking care of him during the day. I think in many ways, my Mom took my childhood (and Amy’s) for granted. She was a young Mother and did her best to raise us, but maybe (admittedly) didn’t appreciate that infant stage quite as much as she does now with Wyatt. She spends loads of quality time with him and even takes both him and Anakin for a walk around the neighborhood daily. She talks to Wyatt and is helping him develop by showing him how to hold his bottle and helps him learn new skills like rolling over. She’s also been very patient with him and working diligently to try to get him on a nap schedule. Wyatt knows her voice and her face and now smiles when he sees or hears her. And as for Anakin, he sleeps with my Mom in the guest bed when she’s in town.

Wyatt has a great time with Jen and her kids too. Jen works well with Wyatt on his nap schedule and spends loads of time interacting with him. He gets to be included in their daily activities. One day last week I picked him up while they were all playing in a fort made out of blankets and chairs. Zoey and Finn really gravitate towards Wyatt and love him like he was their younger brother. Finn will often rock Wyatt in his car seat and bring Wyatt toys. Zoey will demand that she lay with Wyatt on the couch while she directs Jen to go upstairs so that she (Zoey) can spend special baby time with just Wyatt. Zoey even had an entire conversation about Wyatt at the Lau family dinner table one night last week. It really makes me happy that he’s so well taken care of over there and that Jen’s kids are so enthusiastic about having him around. I couldn’t imagine living without my best friend and her lovely family and the fact that the kids are already “friends” makes life even sweeter.

Thanksgiving this year was spent at my Brother Garrett’s house with his family. My sister-in-law really outdid herself. She’s an outstanding cook and made the entire meal practically by herself from scratch. She decorated their house with fresh flowers and even incorporated some of Violets crafts into the décor. Wyatt and his cousin, Evelyn, took turns smiling at and watching one another. I can only hope that they will be good friends when they get older. Now that we have Wyatt, Holidays are fun again. I think after a while they became somewhat stale for Glen and I in the adult life and having a child kind of brings back the excitement. I even wrapped Wyatt’s Christmas gifts and placed them under the tree. I realize that he’s too young to open them but I’m having fun creating a Christmas environment for him.

Now I’m going to tell you about a not-so-fun time in the life of a 4 month old. It’s called the 4 Month Wakeful and it’s evil. Basically the 4 month wakeful happens for a couple of reasons. The first is that baby is experiencing a lot of physical and developmental changes right now. They may be learning to roll over, sit up with assistance or even bare weight on their legs. Just like any other growth spurt, they are going to require to eat more to help take them to the next step. But wait, there is more! Baby is also checking out the new and exciting world around him and is interested in all kinds of new and interesting things. Wyatt will stare at the ceiling fan, his teddy bear mobile, Christmas lights, the dog, etc. He’s just so interested in the world around him and when he’s nursing he’s not giving it the full attention that he should. Think about a toddler who is having so much fun playing that they forget to eat. It’s similar to that. So baby is growing and learning and needs more to eat, and isn’t getting more to eat because they are too busy checking out the world. So at night time, guess what? They just want to be up all night (sometime just checking out the world). I compare it to an adrenaline rush that I get the day before I go on vacation. In addition to this, because they haven’t been eating quite as good during the day, they really need to make up for lost time so they wake and want to eat every hour. Since Wyatt has such impeccable timing, like most babies, he choose the week that Glen was out of town for work to start this. So one very exhausted mama is having to get up with him every hour or even worse, up for the majority of the night trying to calm a screaming baby from 1:00am to as late as 4:30am. Oh, and did I mention that I have to get up at 5:30 to get ready for work and come home at 4:30 and take care of the baby all by myself while Glen is away for work. When I was pregnant and I had a bad night sleeping, I would just come home the next night, relax on the couch and fall asleep at 8, sometimes 7 in the evening. Well, unfortunately that’s not exactly how it works anymore. Has anyone ever seen a sleep deprived Kristen before? It’s not a pretty sight.

It hasn’t been easy for me but I have learned a lot about my son and I’m eager to help him through it. I can’t imagine this is easy for him to go through either and additionally, he has to deal with growing pains. When I’m up at 2:00am nursing and rocking the baby back to sleep I almost forget that I’m up way past my bedtime. It’s a nice Mommy & Wyatt moment that we get to share together. One thing that becoming a Mother has taught me is that I absolutely cannot get enough of my son no matter what time of the day it is. I don’t get mad or frustrated when he cries out because I understand that it’s his only way of communicating with me and I want to be there for him in any way possible. It’s not until my 5:30 alarm goes off that I am reminded of my reality of now having to make it through yet another day of work with no sleep.

Speaking of physical milestones, Wyatt rolled from belly to back! My Mom and I were downstairs talking to Wyatt and encouraging him to roll and just when we thought it was a lost cause, he rolled! Now, he’s only actually done this once and really doesn’t have too much interest in doing it again but I’m still proud that he did it. Now when he’s on his play mat he rolls from side to side reaching for the toys on the outer ends of the mat. He will then move around so much that he turns his once horizontal body into an angle. He must watch me when I sleep because I often end up angled across the bed while Glen is forced to curl up in the upper right hand corner.

I just have a couple more things I wanted to mention in this month’s blog post. Wyatt has turned into a chatterbox. He loves to be talked to and he loves to talk back. He’s starting to discover his toys and he even talks to them. He also will respond to raspberry blowing by blowing raspberries back at you. You can have an entire spit conversation with him lasting up to a half hour, oh and he thinks it’s hilarious! He’s very aware of the world around him and knows just how to manipulate his Mamma and Daddy. You can definitely tell the difference between a “need something” cry and a “I’m just fussing because I want you to pay attention to me and as soon as you do I’ll smile and laugh” cry. Then of course there is the “yelling” to get your attention and as soon as you say “Wyatt” he gets this big evil grin on his face. Then you have the “I’m going to have the last word, dammit” Yell where he will fuss a little and you’ll pick him up and he’ll belt out one big fake sounding yell just so he can have the last word. He’s also becoming quite coordinated with his hands. He was sitting with my Mom and her laptop was resting on her lap at the time. He bent over and picked up the cordless mouse with his hands and tried to put it in his mouth. Wyatt is very interested in the tv. He will often stare at it if it’s on and it is an instant baby calmer. We’re going to have to be more careful about leaving the tv on since we don’t want to encourage too much tv time.

Every day I take time to hug my little boy and stare at his beautiful face and just fully appreciate him. In a year or two he may not want to cuddle up with Mamma and I just try to remember that every time I have a hard day. He has taught me a kind of love and patience that I never knew existed and he makes me want to be a better person in every way possible.

Month 3 Milestones

· Constantly communicates with Coos, talks and giggles. Increased talking to objects, toys and people.

· Recognizes peple. Talks and smiles at people & children

· Rolls over

· Rolls from Side to side, reaching for toys

· Increased independence & playfulness

· Increased alertness during the day

· Almost perfected to nightly routine

· Shakes rattles, grasps toys, bats at toys, picks toy up and examines them

· Discovered feet. Stares and admires them. Grabs them.

· Sucks on fists, toys, and anything else he can get his mouth on

. Giggles

· Takes 2, 2 hour naps during the day/one cat nap at night

Personality Traits

· Likes to be held facing the world in carrier

· Loves "standing" "sitting" and "flying"

· Loves the play mat. Often rolls and reaches for toys

· Love to laugh and carry on long conversations. Enjoys when people are very interactive with him

· Is getting better at being alone when laid in crib for naps

· Enjoys being carried in the carrier.

· Enjoys exploring the World with his mouth. Likes to "taste" everything

· Loves bath time!

· Constantly likes to communicate by talking or cooing

. Yells if not content or if you're not giving him undivided attention

.         Loves to blow Raspberries

Favorite Moments:
.        Leaving Dawn and I a fun surprise at El Rodeo. I never laughed so much!
.        Early morning chats with Mom
.        Celebrating Wyatt's first Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving