There is nothing quite like hearing that your child may an abnormality. I think my initial shock resulted from fear and the unknown. I cried a lot. I cried so much that my eyes burned, even when I closed my eye lids. The very next day, I still couldn’t accept it. I cried again and again. I cried so much that my boss sent me home from work. I then regained some focus and was somewhat enlightened by a few discussions that I had with family and friends. I never found peace with what I was told, but I felt comforted.
When Wyatt was born, and I got to hold him in my arms, I realized right then that I felt something that I have never felt in my life. It was a raw, pure and deep love. It’s a feeling that is so strong and difficult to describe with words. It’s a feeling that his life is more important than mine. I never felt this way before about anything or anyone. I love my husband, my family and friends but there’s something about the love that you have for your child that’s…different. It’s natural, instinctual and very strong. I know in my heart, that whoever this child is, that I will love them just the same.
Still in shock about the recent Ultrasound, I apprehensively went to an appointment this morning with my OB. I had little anxiety, as I was pretty focused on gaining more knowledge, asking questions and getting answers.
The doctor explained that the baby has a tiny cyst on its brain called a Choroid Plexus Cyst. The choroid plexus is the part of the brain that makes cerebrospinal fluid, the fluid that normally protects the brain and spinal column. Fluid could be pinched off causing a cyst (similar to a blister). In a majority of cases, the cyst will resolve itself. In a very small percentage of babies with choroid plexus cysts, there is an associated chromosome disorder (trisomy 18). Usually if the baby has this, they are stillborn. However, it’s about 1 in 3,000 that have this.
She basically said that they review a number of different factors in addition to the cyst. Like, the baby’s physical features (clef lip, absence of a nasal bone, etc) then they also look for other “soft spots” such as in the heart or kidneys. If they see a lot of spots, they have more cause for concern for the baby. If it’s just one, generally, they are not too worried. She also stressed that because I am not high-risk that the chances of an abnormality are slim.
She really explained to me that this is something that is somewhat common, and getting more common that they are starting to believe that it’s just a normal part of the baby’s development. She hates that they even have to mention that it’s abnormal because most Parents-to-be have the same reaction as I did. For now she recommends that I try to relax and enjoy the pregnancy as if it’s completely normal and advised that I do not do any additional elective testing at this time. She really doesn’t seem too concerned about the baby, therefore believes that additional testing is unnecessary.
She did offer me a few additional options moving forward. We will first have a follow up appointment with her on May 9th to review the pregnancy. At that time they will order me another ultrasound, where they will focus on the baby’s brain and the general growth of the baby. I will be requesting a specific technician to review the ultrasound. If that ultrasound comes back clear, then they will discontinue any further testing. If they find that the cyst is larger or that there are more noticeable soft spots, we will discuss further testing at that time.
In the meantime, Glen, Wyatt and I are going to have an elective 3D Ultrasound at Womb with a View where we will have the opportunity to see baby’s face and hopefully have a better ultrasound experience than we had at our 19 week appointment in the hospital.
Additionally, I just wanted to thank everyone for the messages, phone calls and texts over these past few emotional days. It truly means a lot to me to have connected with so many people. I’ve had the opportunity to listen to other similar experiences and connect with a few amazing Mothers who have a special needs child. I really felt comforted and you’ve all given me strength during this emotional time.
One last thing I wanted to share was a blog post that was forwarded to me. This birth story was written by an amazing mama who gave birth to a baby with Down syndrome. It really touched my heart but it’s a tear jerker, so be prepared to cry.
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